To Whom We Matter

My life Matters.
My life matters, when I spend time with those it matter to; it’a as simple and as complicated as that. Which is why, “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter” is such a powerful and amazing quote. We all matter, that should not be up for debate, even if it sadly is. Please my friends, stop asking why or if you matter! You do. And if you feel as though you don’t, I believe one of two things has happened: you have either, isolated yourself away from those to whom you matter (even if you did not intend to,) or you have chosen to spend time with people who do not value you enough. “Where there is a will there is a way” etc. etc.

I find when I spend time with people that value me deeply (not superficially e.g. “poof, what-do-ya-need”,) those that see me as a recognized, respected, and important part of life, I suddenly feel as though life has meaning and purpose, and I understand or at least begin to understand, why I am here. However, when I waste my time around people who suck my energy, who want things from me but don’t actually value me, I feel depleted, vulnerable, and often useless. When I spend time around people who think so little of me that they hurt me to boast themselves, or use me (or any part of me, including my flaws) as a means to boost their own self-worth and/or jump start their own success; I suddenly or slowly begin to feel as though I am not important or valuable. That may seem silly spelled out and worded that way, but it is not silly, it is real. So often we give OF ourselves so much, and that is beautiful, we care, and that is important. However, we also Need. And that is also beautiful and important, it is human. I personally have been afraid to need, because I think it makes me appear weak, or less-than, or not good enough, etc.  Or because I’m afraid if I have a need I can’t meet within myself, then I will be left feeling empty. I fail to see how essential it is to life, because of my fear.

Need is what facilitates and necessitates relationship. By needing other people and people needing us, it creates a drive to seek out companionship and communion. As important as that is, it is equally important to ensure that the communion is one that is healthy and life giving to all those affected by it. So please ask yourself and assess yourself; look at your relationships (or lack there of.) Are you choosing to spend time around people that you love, admire, care about, and/or respect? If not, do them and yourself a favor, disengage from those that you do not, and re-engage with those who you do, otherwise you could be hurting them as much as they are hurting you… On the flip side, how much of your time do you spend with people that value you (your body, your personality, and your mind/thoughts?) Who care for you, respect you, love you?  This does not mean perfect behavior, behavior is a fickle thing… What it does mean is that the people who make up the majority of your time and life, view you with admiration, love, and/or respect, and have a desire to see you happy and healthy, and are willing to help you achieve it. Love and all those beautiful words that we associate with it, is not perfect, but it should at least be intentional.

Surround yourself with people who lift you up when you are down, encourage you when you need it, push you when you need a boost or a kick in the rear; but more than anything spend time with those that unconditionally see your value, truly, and who never question (or allow you to question) it’s worth. This is usually easier said than done, I know this, but that is why I say it… So that any person out there who is struggling with self-esteem or issues with self worth, might stumble upon it and start on a path toward discovering and cherishing who they are, maybe begin to practice these means of holding on to their value by seeking out people who empower them, and then maybe/hopefully they can grow in their potential for love and hope.
We are ALL Valuable, find and cherish those that know your worth!

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Assurance

goldstars31Assurance:
1.) Confidence or certainty in one’s own abilities

Why are we ashamed or nervous to feel (and especially express) esteem for something we have accomplished? Is it because we don’t support our peers enough these days? Why is it that it takes “courage” and/or “confidence” in order to say “hey. I’m doing this thing, it makes me happy, and you know what I’m kinda good at it too.” If we all did it, I think we would support each other more, because we wouldn’t feel like we were in competition with one another. I think as a community we need to let someone know that they are good at something, encourage them when they tell us about their accomplishments, and feel joy in the fruit of our own labor and talents! Appreciation of self and others is not automatically feeding pridefulness and/or arrogance. I’ll tell you what it going to fuel; productivity, self assurance, and more creativity.
I think we can all agree there is nothing wrong with those things!

~AbbieLu

It’s Okay To Be Single..?

Sometimes a person just wants to be single. Why is that so odd?

Now, I realize that biologically we are wired for companionship (that is my belief anyway.) Why does this mean that it is unreasonable, unhealthy, or unbelievable that a person would choose to be single. There are other relationships that can be fulfilling for a quite some time. Also, just because we may be wired for it to eventually happen, does not mean we cannot choose something else.

Just to clarify, I am not referring to dating, seeking, and/or sleeping around without the intention of committing. I am referring to the choice to be without someone romantically, on purpose. Focusing on your own person, whether it be self-care, self-improvement, your education, career, and/or family, etc. Or maybe just maybe someone really just does not want or cannot handle the weight of being caught up in a romantic relationship.

Companionship is very hard, and anyone who says different is either lying or they don’t have a very happy partner. Don’t get me wrong a good companionship is worth all of the effort and time, most things worthwhile take significant work. However, if you are not ready for it and/or cannot handle that responsibility yet, the relationship will be troubled.

Some people are smart enough to know this, and want to take time for their own self growth. However, despite how sensible that seems I am constantly hearing smart, beautiful, funny, etc. women asked “you’re really  _________ so why are you single?”

Now it is not the question that perplexes me, it is the attitude behind the question, or rather the assumption. It is asked with an assuming attitude, that because they are smart, successful, and/or beautiful there must be something wrong. Either something about them is not appealing to others, or they are not making the right choices to land a partner. I don’t see men asked this question. Which does not necessarily mean it doesn’t happen, but it does mean that for no good reason, there is a stigma.

Usually for men the fact that they are single despite good circumstances or breeding does not surprise people. However, there are strong assumptions and stigmas that begin to arise as to his intention. If a man is single (passed a certain age especially,) they begin to earn an insignia (at least among whispers and gossip) that they are either a player and/or afraid of commitment.

Now that may or may not be true for them, but I for one think it is fair to give each man the benefit of the doubt. They may have very good and valid reasons for choosing to take a break from romantic relationships and it’s important to credit them that. Now I am not a man so I am writing this part purely based on observation and speculation. Maybe I am wrong and all single (by choice) men really are just players (but this I doubt.)

These assumptions and stigmas are also really degrading. Neither a woman nor a man should ever feel compelled to base their self worth on the influence of another person. Identity is also something that should be discovered within oneself.  Obviously when we are in relationship, those peoples perspectives, feelings, and actions/words etc. are going to have an effect on us, we are human after all. However, if you found worth and identity on your own to begin with, then they are minor ripples that can be calmed.

It’s important to know your own self worth so that you can protect and respect it. Likewise, finding your identity from within creates a sense of security and balance that make it possible to be at peace. So  do your soul a favor, and keep those waves of uncertainty that can shake you at bay.

So, if you know of someone who is single don’t jump to conclusions or doubt intentions. I don’t think it is necessarily wrong to question someone else about their life choices (when appropriate) but try to accept and commend them for their differences when you can. It is extra important to support someone who is choosing a lifestyle that is not the norm. This is especially important with singles, because they are probably in great need of camaraderie and friendship.

So to you singles who are making the conscientious choose to put off romance for a time, I commend you. Keep working on your life and take pride in who you are as an individual. The time you spend building yourself will be well worth it. When the timing is right for you to share yourself and time with another person you will be all the wiser and more balanced for it.

      ~AbbieLu

In the Meantime make time to relax and rejuvenate.

I LOVE essential oils! 
My favorite way to enjoy
them is in a diffuser, it so
beautiful and calming.